Latinx Halloween Series: A Poem By Ellie Lopez
BY ELLIE LOPEZ
I am not ready.
We see things in our family.
Some things come naturally.
While other things come like special powers,
when we need it the most.
For years spirits were my only friends,
until they weren't.
Then they spoke to me in dreams.
Showing me, foreshadowing what's to come.
Most days I am ready to go back,
search the unknown.
Other days, like today.
I am not ready.
It's been months since she passed.
I am still processing my grief.
There are so many stories left unsaid.
So many consejos.
But I can't.
"I am not ready to see spirits.", I say through my grief.
Sitting alone in this house.
This house with a thousand stories.
La niña crying at the bottom of the stairs.
The baby that cries en el campo.
El hombre that runs down the stairs.
We see them.
We all see them.
I know there are words that need to be said.
I know there are espíritus waiting to tell stories.
I know she still has something to tell me.
She waits until I am ready.
Until I can finally see.
I watch rooms glow.
I watch items move and hide in all directions.
I sit at a table not ready for what I will see.
I say to the empty spaces.
To the things I don’t dare see.
"I am not ready"
But really, I am not ready for the final consejo.
I know she sees me.
My ancestors surround her.
But I am not ready.
Not ready to let her go.
Ellie Lopez is a writer/storyteller & photographer from Tracy, California.
When she's not ear hustling for the best chismes, she is telling stories on her blog.
Instagram: @lamexicanahermosa Twitter: @missellielopez